Friday, March 11, 2011

Unicorns, Beavers, Bill Cosby & Drunk Tristachio

I'm not a drinker. I don't really drink. I can't really stand the taste of drinking. When I was fifteen I ruined drinking for myself. It involved drinking cheap, disgusting booze in mass quantities only because we had it bootlegged and refused to waste it. We drank in the woods between 7-11 and the Police Station because we were rocket scientists. I got blitzed. I got paranoid that my dad was going to find me. I found my Womb Mate at the arena and she refused to acknowledge that we once lived in the same uterus. And probably knew each in passing as sperms -- we were born that close apart. A ten year old convinced me my name was Mary. I rolled around in the snow, convinced that undercover Lesbians were everywhere so I asked if everyone was a lesbian and when my friend got me to her place, I slept for an hour and woke up perfect.

That's how it goes when I drink the few, rare times. I get easily drunk and sleep it off in minutes. No hangovers.

I've only been drunk in front of The Pilot once. I like telling stories when drunk. So I told him a short five minutes story that he thought was funny and he wanted to record. When he recorded it...this is what he got.

It is a bit on the lengthy side and probably not something you want to listen too at work unless you have headphones on. Or your children. Or grandmother. Or anyone, really.

Watch Story Of The Beavercorn in Comedy  |  View More Free Videos Online at


  1. this story should be published into a child book

  2. I can't get the video to work :(


I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

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