Monday, March 28, 2011

And Then The Dog Threw Up On Him

Did you know that dogs are prone to instant vomiting if they suddenly decide to drink their water super fast and then rapidly inhale a whole bowl of Kibbles N' Bits in two point five seconds flat and will just upchuck where ever they happen to be at the time they feel like vomiting? If not, they totally do that.

Since my dog, Bowie, is an excitable douche-bag this happens a lot with him. He inhales anything in his water bowl as fast as he can as if he were in a race that no one else was competing in and sometimes he decides that he's going to eat his food just as fast despite the fact that most days it takes him two and a half days to eat a full bowl of food. And it always happens that when he does both at once he always makes a mess. Most of the times it was on the kitchen floor. Sometimes on the carpet.

This weekend? Naw, it wasn't in the kitchen or the carpet or anything. He decided that he was going to up the anty.

After inhaling both bowls of food he suddenly decided that The Pilot was sleeping and it was probably time to wake him up so he first spent his time running circuits around the kitchen to work up speed so we can burst through the bedroom door and land directly on The Pilots' chest waking him up.

His thought pattern must've been something like this: "Holyfuckingshit! That guy must stillbesleeping and I've totally got to wake him up so I'm going to run so fucking fast around the kitchen and wake up him SUPER GOOD! OH BOY THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME! HA HA, I just jumped on him and OMG NOW HE IS AWAKE AN----BLARRRFFFFGGGHHHH!"

And that's when he upchucked in The Pilot's face. Mouth, eyes, ears, nose, forehead, chest was completely covered in projectile vomit. Which, in turn, caused The Pilot to throw up himself. On the dog. Who then ran out of the room and left a trail of vomit in his terrorized wake.

I couldn't help The Pilot, who was making sounds a strangled baby would make, because I was laughing too hard and once I fully processed what I saw I ran out of the room and huddled behind the television and called my Womb Mate to breathlessly tell her what happened.

Because, that's just the type of girlfriend I am.


  1. OH. my. god.
    this is the funniest thing ive ever read. seriously

  2. That's hilarious, if only you had it on video, you'd get millions of hits on youtube :p Your poor boyfriend though, that's gross :D

  3. This is so funny I had to cover my mouth to keep my coworkers from realize I was laughing so hard!

    The worst I've done is spill a glass of chocolate milk on the dog and watch as the neighbors dog licked it off (she was fine)

  4. I'm guessing Womb Mate is your twin and if so, that's an awesome moniker for her.

    I love that you're this kind of gf :)
    - Linda

  5. no womb mate is her sister who is super duper close in age.. lol. she or i mean i is in the cast past haha

    and sis that was the most disturbing story i got the call about right before a lovely roast beef dinner., was funny tho.. poor pilot!!!

  6. Oh good GOD, I would have died! lmao!!!!

  7. loool!! eeew! :p.. who cleaned up all the mess..haha


I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

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