Thursday, March 10, 2011

Breaking News: I Sext Like A Grandmaw

The other day I got a phone call from my little sister, who for the record would like to be mentioned more on my blog because she's pregnant and I guess in the "needy" trimester where she needs tons of attention and has decided that she will be called Womb Mate despite the fact that she has something growing in her womb but her first few attempts at spelling womb involved several extra letters, about an embarrassing thing she had done.

It would seem that she, while shopping with her fiance The Welder, had decided it was a perfect time to try and sext him or in her own words "sext him as a joke" and wrote something about the size of his special man organ and sent it off. It just so happened that seconds after she sent it off he checked his own phone so she figured nothing was up and he was responding to her text.

The response she got back was something along the lines of "Terrible, and gross, and this is so wrong" and it confused my Womb Mate and she laughed only to ask The Welder why he would send that text in response to her flattering sext. Only when he proclaimed he had no clue what she was talking about she realized what she had done.

She had sent the penis text to my younger brother. After she told me the story I laughed at her for hours because when they showed up to my parents place later that day neither of the three involved could look each other in the eye. I also told her I was never stupid enough to do something like that.

That is, until last night.

I accidentally sexted my Womb Mate. The first text was something about "The Pilot, you need to get home like really really fast and right now" and that alone wasn't really "sext-y" per say until I followed it up with a "because we're doing it tonight!".

I realized my mistake the moment the last text message was still in the middle of sending and I frantically wished for a recall button because two seconds later my dear, pregnant, turd faced Womb Mate called me up and laughed in my ear for five minutes straight.

Then she told my little brother so she wouldn't look like such a perv. And then she told The Welder. And they all agreed that my sexting is like that of a grandmother or an eight year old who has some vague knowledge of sex but not enough to be crude.

Needless to say I'm not living down the words "Do It" anytime soon.


  1. hahahah this is so funny,. ur womb mate sister sounds so freaking funny. u so should mention her more often, great family stories.. send more more more . especially about the womb mate.... p.s there is classes online on how to sext a real message grandma!!!!!!



  2. Oh my God....hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! That was awesome.

  3. This is amazing. Every single time I type a sext out, I check four or five times to make sure it's going to the right person because I'm paranoid that this will happen to me.

    One time, my sister was having sex and her cell phone accidentally called my mom. My sister was humping her boyfriend while my mom was on the other end, all, "HELLO? HELLO, IS THAT YOU, KATIE??"

  4. @Sara: OK, your sister phone sexing your mom totally beats my whole "We're doing it!" so here's hoping it didn't sound like she was banging a grandpaw.

  5. I think one Mr. LL Cool J would side with you on the "do it" phrase not being THAT grandmawish. At the risk of dating myself, he wrote a whole song about doin it. And doin it. And doin it well.
    Man I'm old. LL Cool J is TOTALLY old.
    Wait, what was I just talking about?


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