Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Open Letter to Kuato

Dear Kuato,

What. The. Fuck. How are you? As good as a mutated baby erupting out of someones chest could be I bet, right? That's just great.

What. The. Fuck. Are. You? Considering you are a psychic mutant chest baby you probably already know why I am writing you this letter. You are also probably amazed over my ability to send a letter into the future and into a movie that is set in the future. I think it had something to do with the leprechaun I previously sent through my wash -- it's given my clothes mystical magical powers that allow me to do this. Might also have something to do with the fact I've spent the last four hours shooting up Meth and puppies snorting glitter.

You make me want to eat a pineapple, and then vomit on a Llama and then watch as the Llama vomits on a parapalegic whale which then vomits on you.

Honestly, I've been wondering. How did you find a jacket big enough to hide the fact that you were growing like some kind of cancerous, baby-esq tumor Harry Houdini. Is it something in the padding of the jacket? Or do you just tunnel into his empty chest cavity? These are answers that need to be questioned. Or questions that need to be answered. Honestly, I don't really care.

You are just disgusting. I want to step on your face with a tank. The horrificness of your existance was more then enough to gloss over the fact Arh-nawld was attempting to act. (Like when he was pretending he was getting suffocated because Mars had no atmosphere and his eyes got all bulgy and gross and he was like " ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh". It was hillarious right? Probably as hillarious when he looked at you and said "It's probably a too-mah.")

You owe me a new television since I vomitted on to mine. Please mark it for:

The Past
Somewhere in Canada

I think the post office workers will know who to send it too.

Wanting to step on you,


P.S: Remember that Vagina face mutant in the movie? Ha ha, that guy was so hillarious because he had a face vagina mutation! Ha ha ha.

P.P.S: You disgust me.


  1. I must know what this movie is immediately and PLEASE tell me it's on Instant Netflix.

  2. this better not turn into be? is that really how babies are delivered if so i give up now




I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

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