Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Just Double Fisting Homeless People

Right now I am sitting in this moving limbo waiting for my new landlord to call us and say "Hey, I've got those keys that you need to open the door to your new place so you can start moving in." but, you know, he hasn't called us yet because I'm pretty sure he's in some dark alley double fisting homeless guys for some quick cash because he's a real estate agent and they have to keep their families fed somehow in this housing slump. Is there a housing slump? I have no clue.

He probably just likes double fisting for free. Keeps his hands warms on cold nights.

I'm currently living in a maze and castle of boxes filled with my things that I can't really do anything with but build protective walls that keep my asshole dog out.

I'm not good at this waiting patiently thing.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

It's Not My Fault You're The Least Loved Child

I'm starting to notice that I treat this blog like a red-headed step-child that I just can't shake. It sits in the corner, in the dark, starring at me with it's large eyes and freckles glowing softly as the light of a passing car shines on it's face. It just sits and waits for you to look over and make eye contact because when you make eye contact you are forced to sit for hours listening to it go on and on about it's stamp collection and how no one likes it and how it's still a virgin and plans to change it through wacky antics at prom that wont work out because it's a red-headed step-child no one will fuck.

But then I start to feel guilty that I'm leaving this red-headed step-child alone in the dark with no one to talk too but I get easily distracted by shiny things and I'm like "Oh, hey, IS THAT A BIKE?" and then I run outside with my arms flailing and forget about the neglected child no one likes.

Then I start to feel OK with my neglect because, you know, I'm just lazy and caring about neglect just seems like a lot of work.

You know?

Soooooooo much work.

So I'm going to promise to try harder and not neglect and listen to the stories about your stamp collect.....

Oh fuck, is that a bike?

Monday, June 18, 2012

Just Period All Over The Place. Because I'm A Girl.

It's almost official, I've survived my first three months of Film School. I may have made a Porn commercial and a commercial selling freelance suicide bombers, but I survived.

Apperantly I'm pretty awesome at Film School. Like, I'm so awesome at it I'm pretty sure I've made people jealous with said awesomeness. Or maybe I'm just stupidly full of myself and people have just been telling me that I'm awesome to ensure that I don't start hysterically crying all over the place and spontaneously bleeding because I'm the only girl in this semester of school.

I'm going to be the only girl in this course for the next eighteen months. So, that's something.

After these next few classes, I'll be preoccupied with moving to a new joint that is officially heroin user free but according to the landlord the tenant above us is "Like, super gay. Super, SUPER gay." and I'm like "That's awesome, I'm either going to have a fabulous gay best friend in the upstairs above or the most fabulous enemy neighbor ever."

And then once we're moved, I'm going to be start rolling out some web series with a few of my fellow film students because that's what we do. We make things. Mostly offensive things. But we make things.

So, maybe, watch out for that.

Oh, and I'll blog more.

Yeah, that too.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I Met Famous People And Almost Died. No Biggee.

They sat in these, I assume.
So, the other day I happened to be working on the set of a Lifetime movie that is coming out and it just sort of happened to have a few famous people in it that some of you may or may not know. Like, that asshole gay dude from Glee? Yeah, he was on it. And that asshole drug chick from 90210? Yeah, she was totally on it too.

And it was a pretty wicked experience even though I found out one of the famous people *coughthedudecough* is a massive jerk who openly laughs in the face of special needs kids. Yup, he totally did that. The girl was extremely nice, though. I talked to her when she face planted right in front of me and I figured "Holy shit, she just face planted, this is totally my in to become her Best Friend Forever!" but I totally fucked it up and just awkwardly asked "Are you happy to be back in Canada, because it's pretty nice here." and she just gave me a "Yeah, it's great, so much fun." as she was desperately trying not to show that face planting actually hurt and this asshole crew worker didn't even ask her if she was OK. Because, I totally didn't ask that. Because I'm an asshole.
I'm not sure if she is actually a bitch, but you know, HUMOUR!
I got to stand behind the Director and this bitch.
For the first part of the day I got to stand around near the Director and listen to the actors say the same lines over and over again for three hours. I'm pretty sure this Lifetime movie is going to be the shittiest Lifetime movie because 90% of the dialogue is about "Skanks".

I've got to say I was totally fucking bored by the 100th time they went through the same scene and was actively looking for something to stab myself but my Australian Boss kept glaring at me because, well, I guess it was my job to pretend They. Were. The. Best. Actors. EVER!

And in between takes Mr. Glee would circulate around and ignore all the extras that desperately were trying to get his attention and only pay attention to those he deemed "cool" and really, no one was that cool enough for him. He only got close to people when he was forced to take a photo with them. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THE INDUSTRY WORKS!   
He Just Wanted To Throw Rocks At Everyone

She fucked up this take soooo bad.

And then my face burned off.

And then I had to sit outside next to some trucks for hours in the sun and then my face almost melted off but I was like "CAN I HAVE SOME MORE SKIN CANCER PLEASE!" because if I complained I would be White-Fanged from the set -- someone would throw rocks at me and yell "Git, GO!" until I ran away howling.

There was also a giant squirrel-cat that kept chasing me around the trucks because I may or may not have thrown rocks in it's home because I was bored and didn't know it lived there, but if I didn't know that it lived there, I would have thrown rocks too. Because they were FUCKING MONSTERS.

And then I got sent home and almost died of heat stroke.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

That One Time I Met That Dude From Glee But I'm Totally Not Talking About It Right Now.

So, one time I met this dude who happened to be on Glee and I also met this chick who happened to be on 90210 but I'm totally not going to talk about that right now because I'm just letting you know that once I have a chance too (tomorrow) I will totally talk about it.

Because, you know, I want the suspense to kill you.
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