Sunday, January 13, 2013

My Favorite YouTube Video Of All Time

I've got to say that THIS music video is my all time favorite YouTube video I have ever watched. I've shared it with everyone I have ever met (And those that I haven't even met) because I. JUST. CAN'T. STOP. WATCHING. IT!

I never really was a fan of the old He-Man cartoons but this? This is just magic.

And my favorite part of this? When the Chef is sitting in the kitchen, stirring the soup, and the music is muted in the background as if he was missing THE GREATEST PARTY EVER! But he's OK with it. Because he's the Chef. And he's got to make the soup just right. For the party. He's not invited too. Because he's the Chef.

And then he goes home and cries to his mother.

Who's dead.

And still in his room.

And the music is catchy.

I guess.

Why did I write about my favorite Youtube video? Because of these guys and their awesome scripted drama's on Youtube!

You Are Not The Father

"My sperm, they've still got it!" - Larry King to the surprise of everyone ever.

I think Womb Mate might have some explaining to do.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

You Should Give Me Money

I know Christmas is over and everyone is all "Meh, Charity sucks balls and since Santa isn't around to guilt me into helping anyone I'm going to say FUCK YOU to all Charity and sleep until next Christmas!" and I get that, I'm like that too.

I'd sooner punch someone in the nuts then think about Christmas Charity.

But, my birthday is coming up this Saturday and I'm going to be old as balls (Read as 25) and you know what would be a great birthday gift?

If you head over to and pay for me to write you something! Or, make you a movie trailer.


Because, you know, I like to eat and you need money to eat.

And you guys love me, right?


Monday, January 7, 2013

Smell My Finger. No, Really, Smell It.

Sometimes, when I'm out in public, and I see people sniffing apples or sampling perfume I wonder if they are actually doing this an excuse to sniff their fingers and make sure it doesn't smell like Vagina or Dick.

Scratching dick leaves a stink on your fingers, right?

Because if not, I'm calling BULLSHIT because why are guys allowed to run around touching their penis and no one can tell because their fingers don't stink.

Why can't girls have that type of diddle secrecy.

Friday, January 4, 2013

A New Year, A New Dedication

You know what? It's a New Year and everyone is like "Oh, Let's make resolutions about things that will improve my life and give me money and happiness and make my less fat!" and I was totally all, Wow, that is a smart thing to do, I'm going to do that too!

But then I realized, fuck, that takes work. Like, so much work.

And then I watched Netflix for the hundredth time.

Then it dawned on me that I can totally make my Blog my resolution.

I'm going back to my regular posting schedule come hell or high water or multiple posts of internet cats.

But, you all want the Internet Cats, don't you?

Don't you?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

So, I Made This Commercial

So, this one time, I had to make this commercial of this well known product for Film School and during the filming of it, I may or may not been indirectly involved with our Actress losing a layer of skin on her shoulder because one of the men chasing her got too enthusiastic when we told him to tackle her and they missed the grass by an inch and hit the cement instead. And she was bleeding all over and it was really cold and we had her in shorts but figured "Fuck it, we aren't rich, we shouldn't have to provide blankets!" and then she slightly froze until our shoot was over.

And then she later came back to do a pants-less music video for us. She's a trooper.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

It's Been A Long, Long Time.

It's been an awful long time since I have blogged anything and I'm going to, once again, blame it on having such a busy schedule.

Film School is going great, life is just peachy, and everything is dandy.

Except that, y'know, I'm getting to a point with this blog that I'm afraid I might have run out of things to say. What can I say to my audience that will tickle their feathers and boner their wieners?

I'm afraid I've lost the magic that sent my fingers typing in a flurry of flanges.

Perhaps I can talk about the music video I just did where the actress spent 90% of the time running around in a shirt, a bowler hat, and no underwear and we didn't discover this until we asked her to straddle and ride on the back of a Panda.

Or perhaps I can talk about how another actress involved brought her cute puppy a long to the shoot until we all realized it was in the middle of heat and bleeding all over the place.

Wouldn't it be funny if I mentioned how I may or may not have broken an old French man's back and instead of sending him to the hospital we gave him a bunch of random pills we found in a shady little pill box and then forced him to keep fake playing guitar while a near naked boy danced next to him?

It'd be more hilarious if I tickled your fancy with a story about how said music video was shut down because a rumor went around the school that we were going to force naked ladies to crawl through the mud while a child wearing full bondage dragged her around on a collar.

But, alas, my life has been pretty dull and I've lost the drive to tell funny, witty stories. I might as well curl up with my asshole dog and give up.
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