Usually when The Pilot works afternoons he isn't home until late in the evening and I being the person who gets home shortly after five makes dinner. Heck, I make dinner mostly every night and when The Pilot makes dinner it almost always turns out to be such a disaster that I can't even get mad at him because it makes my brain hurt so much just to see what he's managed to do to ruin dinner.
Last night after I got home from work I wasn't feeling very well so I went to bed early because I wanted to ensure that I would be able to punch whatever illness in the face or at least wake up feeling even sicker that I could call into work and lounge around in my jammers all day while watching Full House.
When The Pilot got home, later then usual, he saw me sleeping and since it's basically like baby kitten angels sleeping when I sleep he decided that he was going to take on the great task of cooking dinner and began to tackle Chicken Alfredo Fettuccine. Normally this is a very easy, easy dish to make when your sauce comes from a can and all you have to do is cook the chicken pieces and boil the noodles.
With him? It was like rocket science and he ain't no scientist.
After being home and literally cooking for an hour and a half, he woke me up to present to me dinner! Which consisted of giant, mangled pieces of chicken that weren't exactly all the way cooked and a pile of starchy, clumpy noodles with no sauce anywhere in sight.
Looking at it literally made my brain melt. We had to mop it up off the floor before the dog started licking it up.
When I pointed out that, "Honey, where's the Alfredo sauce?" he gave me a blank look before he clued in and dumped cold, cold, sauce on top of the mixture and proudly handed it too me.
It took ten more minutes microwaving each dish to ensure that the chicken was fully cooked (which really didn't help much when the outsides were so crunchy hard) and the sauce was hot before we finally ate our food around midnight.