Thursday, April 21, 2011

This Might Explain Why I'm Banned From The Pet Shop

What would happen if a Cat and a Rabbit decided one day that each other looked super sexy in that fur they are wearing and suddenly decide that the best thing for them to do is go into the backroom at a corner store and put on sexy music and suddenly just do it.

Would the Cat stick around after the Rabbit found out it was pregnant with Cabbit’s and become the father it was always supposed to be or would it suddenly decide “Screw this shit, that rabbit is a whore!” and run off down the next alley after the next stupid slutty animal and the rabbit would be left to raise the horde of baby Cabbit’s all by it’s self and the little babies would grow up with an angry, chain smoking mother Rabbit who blamed them all for ruining the best thing of her life and they should all just start working in brick factories to pay for her cigarettes and special magic juice that makes her walk funny and slurr her words.

And eventually when the baby Cabbits are adult Cabbits they suddenly decide that they should go look for their father and see why he had left them to such a horrible fate and when they track him down he is in some alley drunk and dying of Feline AIDS because instead of raising them he decided that he was just going to sleep around with anything that moved and the adult Cabbit’s are left with a bittersweet taste in their mouth over the father that fathered them and they leave the alley thinking that they will be better parents than their parents but OOPS! They are mutant freaks and all sterile so they die alone without kids.

It’s thoughts like this that make The Pilot refuse to let me have another pet because he’s afraid I’d try and breed it with Bowie just to see what type of twisted, dramatic Monday afternoon Soap Opera would play out in our livingroom.


  1. What would you, if you could, breed with Bowie?

  2. I'd Breed Bowie with a monkey so I can teach him how to pick pockets and dance for money.

  3. I just can't stop imagining how effing adorable a Cabbit would be...

  4. Cabbits? Holy moly, yes and please!

    Remember this?

    Or was I the only anime nut in middle school?


I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

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