Monday, April 18, 2011

Some Say Didgeridoo, I Say DidgeriWTF?

Everyone has this one store that every single time they go into it they have to leave with something no matter how stupid it is or how expensive and whoever tells you that "I can go into any store without buying anything at all!" is a stupid whore that deserves to get punched off of their soapbox because they totally go into the soapbox store and buy boxes that they can be whores on. It's that type of whore logic they use to try and avoid being caught buying those soapboxes. Stupid whores.

For me? That store is the local music store in town even though I am musically retarded and can't even play a simple flute and every time I try to play something eleven thousand orphan kitten babies catch fire and die.

Yet this hasn't stopped me from going into that store and coming out with an acoustic guitar, a ukulele, and a child size accordion. Each time The Pilot has passively told me that I don't need to buy anything every time I go into the music store because not every instrument you find should be bought and when it is clear that I am ignoring him he wanders off to the farthest corner so he doesn't watch my buy said item but can eventually lecture me later about how dumb of a purchase it was an how I should treat instruments as tools and not decorative decorations I can get bored with after a few hours and leave them laying around as conversational pieces. But screw him, what does he know? They make awesome stories. The whore.

This weekend was no different. We went into the music store because The Pilot happens to be very musically talented and needed something for something and after promising I wouldn't buy anything stupid and stay within his line of sight the whole time I managed to wander off and after begging for a piano I happened to find something ten times better but a hundred times more confusing.

Standing in the corner at the checkout was a stand of Didgerifuckingdoo's that I instantly knew I had to buy and despite it being fifty dollars for something I couldn't even fathom how to play I proudly declared to everything that I was "Fucking buying this thing" and once again The Pilot told me no and when I held firm he wandered off so he wouldn't have to watch my stupid actions go down in stupidity.

Once outside of the store I realized that this thing is as tall as I am and when The Pilot refused to carry it the ten feet to the vehicle I started yelling at him through my Didgeridoo as if it were a giant megaphone that I happened to be yelling in on a sidewalk of the middle of a busy downtown street. Needless to say I almost didn't have a ride home because The Pilot locked me out of the vehicle until I put the Didgeridoo down and stopped yelling at him to unlock the doors.

On the drive home I uttered a phrase that I would never have figured I would ever say in my life when I had to promise The Pilot I wouldn't use the instrument as a megaphone when I said "Fine, I'll Didgeridoo Responsibly!".

When I got home I was quick to chase Bowie around with my giant megaphone and promptly made him terrified of it until The Pilot took it away from me and forbid me from ever touching it again until I learned how to properly play it. So I looked it up and when I realized it was stupid complex I basically had a "Screw that" moment and waited until The Pilot was asleep to Didgeridoo him awake.

It took massive amount of treats to get him to sit next to an instrument for all he knew killed his biological birth mother.


  1. Hahaha, that Didgeridoo is hawt! I've never even heard of it... Maybe you could start a didgeridoo band or something. With kazoos too... 'cos they rhyme (sorta). Word.

  2. lol its usually so hard to enter a store without buying a single item so i can empathize with u :p

  3. Your life is so much more entertaining than mine.

    And what is your obsession with whores? You stick that word in like every other post!

  4. Look, Im Australian and for the sake of the dogs and the pilot, i'm begging you not to learn to play it..
    The thing with didgeridoos is that when they're played badly, they just sound like someone blowing raspberries through a vacuum pipe (what? you didnt do that as a kid? must be an aussie thing we do to pretend we're playing didgeridoos:))
    and if they're played well, they sound like someone blowing raspberries and making weird "yip yip" noises through a vacuum pipe...
    ok maybe its not that simple... there are some amazing Aborigine guys out there (oh and Xavier Rudd-who's as white as they come) who make fabulous music with them but you've really gotta have fabulous music talent in the first place--you know, like those people who pick up a spoon and a box and all of a sudden have an entire funky drum section going...
    Also, in Aboriginal culture it's TOTALLY blasphemous for a woman to play one. So umm, yeah, you should probably give it to the pilot?

  5. So THAT'S's what that thing in my bathroom is!


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