Discussion with The Pilot following the discovery that we had no coal for the BBQ and thus might not be able to eat our delicious dinner we had planned. The Pilot, "Now I've got to drive all the way to the grocery store!" Me, " This sounds an awful lot like some buddy is whining." The Pilot, "It is whining! It's full blown whining and you aren't even giving it the credit it deserves!"
In a full silent theatre at the last shown down of Harry Potter and Voldemort, The Pilot is the only one who laughed out loud when Bellatrix gets shoved to the side by the darklord. Either he finds domestic violence funny or I should beat him less often so he doesn't feel awkward and embarrassed when it's presented to him on the big screen.
Email spam told me to invest my whole retirement in Alpaca's and I see nothing wrong with this idea.
The dog, while we are in the bedroom, jumps onto the dinner table and eats the left over steak The Pilot forget to throw out. He then barfs all under the table and as punishment gets thrown outside on the deck to rot. He spends the evening grinning at me through the door as if to say "Hey, this deck is awesome and all and I am pretty sure I pee'd on your BBQ but can you let me in now? It's kind of boring and I see you eating popcorn. OK? Awesome." while at the same time The Pilot is sitting around and proclaiming that I committed the worst act of animal abuse ever and someone should poop on my soul.
The Pilot met The Biebs. And it was a shocking experience.