Monday, January 2, 2012

If I Said I Wanted To Abort 2012, Would That Be Weird?

I'm figuring now that I am home it's the obligatory time where I am supposed to describe how it felt to be on the road for two days straight and how The Pilot and I didn't kill each other but that seems sort of boring to me right now so I'm just going to not do it and fuck y'all who desperately needed to know how my time on the road went.

Or maybe I'm not going to tell how my time on the road went because someone in the vehicle who wasn't The Pilot or the dog may or may not have come extremely close to pooping their pants until we luckily came upon a loan safety pullover that had bathrooms that may or may not have been freezing, and may or may not have come close to having my butt frozen to the stinky seat but, that's OK because that person who wasn't The Pilot or the dog didn't crap their pants in the vehicle so I'm going to call that a win.

Instead, I'm going to try and look forward and forget that I almost crapped my pants on a road trip and look at what 2012 has in store for me.

Like, the fact that in April I'm going to Film school and shitting on the teaching as a career path even though I was so close to having that degree but that's OK because I'm going to make movies and apparently at the school I am going to The Pilot and I were told that in the Film studio sometimes nudity gets very casual if they are shooting nude scenes and it's lead me to believe that I may or may not be making a porn by the time my education is done.

Oddly, I'm OK with that.

Or the fact that in a month and a half I'm going to say goodbye to the place I have been working at for the last five years and that I may or may not hand in my resignation by vomiting on every one's desk but that seems sort of rude and cold so I might just vomit on their desk and then write something nice with the vomit all over their desk so before they vomit they can be all "Aw, look, she cares, she's wishing me a happy life BLARRRGGGHHHHHGHGH" and then that message is covered in vomit which is kind of rude, really.

What about the fact that in a month and a half I'm going to be packing up all my belongings and moving somewhere that isn't the Northern Wastelands of Canada and go to a place where underpaid french people are forced to pick fruit for hours on end only so I can buy it on the side of the road for a cheap price because that's how the fruit industry in BC works. Slaves, y'all. French Slaves.

Basically the start of 2012 will be kind of insane and exciting all at once and I think that I can manage to be super successful in this new year because if I haven't shit my pants yet, I don't think it will happen at all in 2012.

But then again, if I do shit my pants in 2012 at least I'll have something to write about.


  1. wait.... you're moving to BC to go to school? See, now you're going to have to learn how to snowboard / Ski and do yoga and be all health conscious..... I know all this because in 2 and a half months I'll also be moving out there.

    I'm looking forward to having the french slaves though. Their accents just crack me up.

  2. @Ally: So far I've been lucky in 2012!

    @JOutlaw: Where in BC are you moving? Vancouver, with all those nut jobs? I've lived in BC for ten years previous to moving back to Alberta (The province of my birth) so I'm already schooled in the winter sports.

  3. It's mind boggling that I didn't find your blog sooner.

    The note in the vomit is a nice touch though it could get messy, I mean, consider all the chunks you'd have to move around and then they'd throw up all over it? Rude. And then a waste of your perfectly good vomit--I'm just saying.

    Anyway, good luck with the French Slaves and all. May they bring you...many fruits...and let you use them (and the fruit) in your pending pornographies. FUN.


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