Tuesday, May 3, 2011

And Then They All Had Sex After The Meeting.

The one thing I hate about my profession is the fact that I’ve got to attend meetings that seem like they are never ending and I’m forced to not nap and suddenly take some type of passing interesting because, guess what? I’ve got to take notes and make sure other people know what the hell is going on when I barely know what is going on!
I’m not sure if it’s from the case of ADHD I suddenly develop when it comes to sitting in a meeting or the fact that I’m 99.99% sure that every morning I might snort a buckets’ worth of cocaine and while it infuses me with a thousand pounds of energy I just damage the part of my brain that forgets that I snorted a shitwick of cocaine that I can’t sit still in these meetings. If I sit still I get tired and want to fall asleep. So I shift around a lot. And try to entertain myself.
Unfortunately there isn’t a lot to do to entertain myself in meeting and my mind begins to wander and sometimes I’m afraid of where my mind takes me when I’m bored but other times it’s cool but mostly just awkward like it was today.
 While in my meeting I came to the sudden realization that the other people in the meeting room had, at one point in their lives (or if they didn’t I’m pretty sure that means they fail at life because they are all five times older than I am), had sex with someone before and that technically means at one point in time all their faces were scrunched and gross during sex. Like, at one point they squirted things and their face went “ugggnrrrgguuughhhgurggh” and made a mess.
And then I realized I was thinking of old people having sex and totally almost vomited in my mouth and could not bring myself to look any of them in the eye because it was awkward but except the really old dude who I wanted to high-five because if he was still having sex I’m pretty sure that would make it some type of miracle that he had enough juice to squirt.
I also hate realizing that by thinking of the other people and their sperm faces I totally forgot to  write down any type of useful notes that wouldn’t help anyone accomplish anything.
I’m still confused as to why they continue to pay me every week.


  1. :D funny where your mind wanders sometimes!

  2. You don't have to lie to us, Tristachio.

    I KNOW you couldn't get rid of your lady boner in that meeting.

  3. I seriously do the SAME THING in meetings! I've had the random wow-these-people-have-all-had-sex experience before, sometimes just in the grocery store or at a family reunion.

  4. BAHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE HILARIOUS! I sometimes imagine couples I see walking around having sex....I may be a perv, but it's interesting.


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