Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Top Three Reasons Why My Dreams Are Better Than Yours

  1. A group of Smurfs come upon me while I'm eating out and declare that the only way to save the world would be if I banged Fuckity Smurf and when I was like "No Smurfs, he's like two inches tall and that means to have sex with him he'd totally have to crawl up inside my snatch and that's terrible. How about you let me go back to my baguette?" they started to attempt to chew my arms off and suddenly, when the succeeded, I couldn't finish my baguette.
  2. I was this guys fifth wife and I may or may not have killed one of his many children by accident and the whole time I was trying to find ways how to avoid being blamed for the supposed child killing and the only plan I could come up with is that "He has a fuck ton of children, it'd probably take him like six month to realize one is missing."
  3. A wizard that may or may not have been a homeless person told me that I was the worlds only chance at survival and because of this I had amazing shape shifting abilities that I must not tell anyone about and after he disappeared or died, I immediately began to brag to everyone about my shape shifting abilities. But they didn't work so in desperation I began gluing animals to myself to trick people into believing in my powers. In the end, I totally had sixteen cats glued to me.

1 comment:

  1. Those poor poor dream cats...... so much glue.....

    ReplyDelete

I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

 
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