Wednesday, November 16, 2011

That White Stain You've Been Sleeping On? Yeah, That Totally Could Have Been Your New Brother

Do you know what I think is gross besides old people? I know, it’s really hard to imagine that something is grosser than old people because these old people? Yeah, they totally sit around in homes that are designed to make them understand how unwanted they are and then they’re left to shit their pants. That right there? Disgusting. And the only thing that can be the mostest grossest is having sex at your parent’s house.

No one should have sex at their parent’s house because who wants to take the chance that their parents have already had sex on every single surface ever and you know what that means? If you even just think of having sex on something you’d most likely be rolling around in your ejacuborted siblings that will never have had the chance to grow into human beings that will steal some of your inheritance because your parents didn’t want anymore kids and figured why not throw them on the ground where they belong, because they are unwanted. Why is that sperm all over everything? Because your parents are too old and carefree for condoms so they just use the good ole fashioned “pullout” method and since they’re retired, they don’t have to clean up ever.

Who wants to be doing the nasty when you’re potentially sitting in a sperm graveyard made up of siblings that weren’t loved as much as you were?

Nothing kills the moods faster than sperm graveyards.

This post is brought to you by Family Vacations; the only vacation I will not have sex with you.

7 comments:

  1. Eeeeeeeeewwwwwww!!!

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  2. Funny yet informative point...

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  3. I still want to go dramatic readings of things that you write. Holy crap, you are funny.

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  4. @Jas: I fully support any dramatic readings of my blog. I might even buy you a sandwich if you did so.

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  5. That is not a reality. Nor a possibility, nor a thought I can allow. AGGGHH!

    But I agree with the dramatic reading comment. In my head (as most things do), it sounds awesome.

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  6. I've never been happier that my parents are divorced...

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  7. There are many reasons why I have no desire to have sex at my parent's house. Thanks for adding that visual to the list.

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I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

 
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