Wednesday, September 14, 2011

It's Fun For The Whole Family. Or Maybe Just That Creepy Uncle.

Out of curiousity I find myself intrigued over what searchespeople use  for my blog and a lot of times I am surprised that people can accurately use google to find me. Other times I'm pretty sure illiterate criminals have found a way to learn how to turn on their computer, or apply for a public library card so they can ineffectively create searches that lead them to me and then I imagine how dissapointed they must be when they find me and not what they were actually searching for.

It's got to be how a kid on christmas who asked for a puppy all year wakes up early to find a dead puppy underneath his tree because mom and dad got too drunk to remember to give the box air holes.

My blog is sort of like that, a dead puppy under a christmas tree. But slightly better.

Like, if I was google searching "spermfaces" I would be disappointed too when I came to this website and found out that no one has a face made out of a sperm because I'm sure that's what they are searching for because I like to imagine that they have a giant sperm for a head and they want to connect with other people who have a sperm for a face, and not that they are looking for people with sperm on their faces because that's just gross. And smelly. I also like to imagine their sperm tail makes for the best mullet ever invented by protien.

Or the people that find me by searching for "kicking small dogs" because they have a small dog they want to kick and figured the internet was the perfect place to teach them how to perfect their form and then they just find posts about how much of an asshole my dog is and not, actually, anything helpful in the proper way of kicking small dogs.

And then there is the people who find me by searching for "mutated babies" and those are the ones I feel for the most because they might have an actual mutated baby and they are reaching out for support groups to help them through the fact their baby has flippers but instead they find this post I did where I make fun of mutants that look like they have a mutant baby exploding out of their chests. But, if they just happen to be searching for mutant baby pictures to laugh at, I'm sure they will have enjoyed that post too.


  1. I laugh at my google searches all the time. One of my most popular searches is "old man f*ck" Really? Apparently there are more people online looking for nearly dying sugar daddys than i thought.

  2. Among the more baffling searches leading people to my blog are "all of the mythologic creatures that are family of the werewolves", "how is boy part look like when the umbilical cord btween the legs", "why does the hair on my feet hurt", and "if you have twitter i hate you".

  3. Mine is "broom." Beats the fuck out of me.

  4. Hahahahhahaha I got "deerhead for sale" and "drunk wearing boots" just the other day!


I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

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