Friday, March 9, 2012

What's Exciting In My Life? I Don't Know. Maybe Heroin?

I finally have the Internet in my place so I can finally, you know, join civilization and keep up with current events that may or may not have anything to do with gossip, and cats flushing toilet videos, and comics. Because that's what I do on the Internet --- WASTE TIME! THANKS FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!

I think one of the things I should point out about this move is the fact that I may or may not have happened to move into a Heroin den that also has a side business in pot dealing. You know, pretty standard "Welcome to the neighborhood and HOLY SHIT IS THAT PEOPLE SELLING AND SHOOTING UP HEROIN IN THE CAR PORT?" only to be told, "Why yes, yes it is. WHAT ABOUT THIS WEATHER EH?".

And that's totally how the conversation went with the landlord. THE WEATHER HAS BEEN GREAT, though, THANKS FOR ASKING!

Oh, why am I yelling at you? BECAUSE OUR BACKYARD IS FULL OF DUCKS! That just QUACK, QUACK, QUACK all fucking day. You can't hear yourself think or let alone take a shit in the privacy of your own thoughts.

Ever taken a poop while a duck is talking? It's awkward.


  1. Pretty sure you have to be in a gang to deal heroin. Choosing the right gang is pretty important. You don't want their 'color' to be something that doesn't look good on you.

  2. @Ally: You are so right. Like, I don't want to be in a gang that has puke green or poop brown as their colours. I'm more of a magenta and plaid sort of gang person.


I once punched a baby kitten and then it died of cancer. The punch might have given it cancer. Comment or I'll punch you in the baby-maker.

Blog Design byApril Showers