Monday, August 20, 2012

I'm Getting Too Old For This Shit

Desperate to find cool and hip things to do in this new town that I've been living in and having an idea in my head that it's awesome to start socializing and collecting favours from film people, I decided that I was going to agree to be a zombie in a Zombie Web-Series.

This choice happened to be the beginning of the end for me and a fellow student (who I will refer to as Dougie Howser because he looks like Dougie). We decided that being on time is super important in our industry so we decided to car pool and that he'd pick me up extra early at my house so we can find the obscure location the set was going to me. We started the day bright eyed and bushy tailed. We had no idea the horrors that waited us.

We first followed the directions that were sort of vague to begin with and this road took us past some expensive homes that soon turned into no homes and a random road we were pretty sure we were going to die on before we realized that we probably weren't where we were supposed to be. 

So we went the OTHER direction.

Which, you know, happened to take us to this isolated desert area on a sand/gravel road over looking all of the valley our town sits in. We decided maybe the smart thing to do was park and wait for the rest of the crew vehicles to show up so we can make sure we are at the right place.

We sat around for an hour.

We played CSI by stumbling across six condoms, their wrappers, a homeless burial ground that had cans filled with bees, holes in the ground that probably had snakes in them, knives in trees and a weird plant that looked like a penis.

Dougie, however, had a grand old time. He was throwing rocks down hills and then with a loud "I'M MAKING A TRAP!" he threw a rock larger than his head into the road. Remember this fact, dear readers, because it will be important in the next sentence.

Eventually we got word from the rest of the crew that we were supposed to find "A silver van and yellow car" we, TA DA!, happened to see those exact cars on a ridge above us. We thought we were fucktards who spent the last hour throwing rocks twenty feet from the actual set. What we ended up finding was a house that just happened to breed puppies and have the same type of vehicles.

So we turned around.

And we almost crashed into Dougie's trap that would have sent us careening off of the road and down a hill. The crafty bastard.

Then we get to set and get dressed up like zombies and spend two hours running around a ravine pretending to eat people. I think I had a vagina painted on my face.

Once we were told to go home we found out Dougie had gotten his vehicle stuck in a sandtrap. We had to wait another two hours in the grueling sun watching for someone to come save us. We waited an extra hour after that because our rescuer got lost. While waiting concerned people rushed at us wondering if we had gotten into a car accident because we were all bloodied and our car was stuck. When we responded "Zombies, sorry." they drove away fast.

After we got towed out of the sand we drove until we saw some rich house with their sprinklers on and got out in full zombie make-up to take a hobo shower in their sprinkler system.

And then we went and got slurpee's in full zombie make-up and made jokes about startling raccoons.

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