Parenting? We Got This

(Conversation between The Pilot and myself while he is away for a few days.)

Me: How was dinner?

The Pilot: Ok, my tummy is full of water though


Me: Giving birth to a water baby? Going to have a water birth?

The Pilot: Haha to much drinking from heat

Me: Can we name the baby Aquafina?

The Pilot: Sure

Me: And only raise it in the finest of glass bottles.

The Pilot: Ya.

Me: And it's unwanted younger sibling, Poop, will be locked in a box and buried.

The Pilot: Ya or left on a sidewalk with underpants

Me: Obviously we've already picked our favorite child.

The Pilot: Haha

Me: When we have real kids, we should set up mini Olympics every four years and the winner becomes the new four year favorite.

The Pilot: Haha ya summer and winter

Me: And it's just hardcore amateur sports. You pick your player, I pick mine. And it's just full out competition. Loser is ignored for four years. It will make them work harder for the next win. The (Insert Our Future Last Name) Olympiad.

The Pilot: Haha, torches to be lit

Me: Then later we will write parenting books and film education videos for sale on our websites
and when one ends up a psycho murderer, we'll blame in on video games.

The Pilot: haha

Me: That's a life plan right there.

The Pilot: ya, my team gets red uniforms.

Me: My team gets flame shirts. And their theme song will be "Final Countdown" cross faded with "Eye of the Tiger".

The Pilot: Can i use huey lewis? Lol.

Me: Yeah, if you want your team to be continually ignored over four years. OH BURN. Your team mascot can also be Phil Colins riding a unicorn.

The Pilot: Haha your lucky i agree to keep Terence Trent Darby out of this.

Me: Why? Because you want him to be the unicorn that Phil Colin's is riding? You can have that on your shirt, no problem.

The Pilot: Haha well you might loose to team Horatio.

Me: I pity your child that is chosen to wear that shirt. A t-rex with laser guns for arms is going to be my team mascot.

The Pilot: Ya. well I am gonna eat your t-rex for breakfast.

Me: Yeah, not going to happen. My kid will slip your kid steroids and get them disqualified from the favorite Olympics.

The Pilot: haha

Me: I guarantee, we are probably going to fuck up at least one of our kids. Probably after the first games.