The Pilot is a musical guy.
He can play guitar.
He can sing.
He can dance.
He also turns every song in the known universe into ballads about butt sex. It's always about the butt sex songs with him. It's not his fault. It's a compulsion. Or the fact that no matter how much times he mentions butt sex in a song I always laugh. Because I'm five. And a little boy. Who thinks butts are funny.
Today while he was driving to work he was singing loudly to the radio and sprinkling it with a healthy dose of anal intercourse when his phone decided to have a life of it's own and pocket dial someone. Or, as The Pilot would love to state is that his dink dialed the number because that's how savvy his dink is. It knows how to use touchscreen cellphones.
It just so happened to dial 9-1-1 and they got a five minute rendition of how to have butt sex to the tune of Bon Jovi.
And then they called him back.
And then they lectured him about how inappropriate it is to call 9-1-1 and sing about anal intercourse loudly.
And how it's terrible people like him that ruin it for everyone else.
And how he should learn to lock out his phone so it doesn't call 9-1-1.
And how he has a nice singing voice and to never, ever call 9-1-1 again even if he was being stabbed by a dude with a knife made of cancer.
When he told me this I giggled every time he mentioned butt. Because I'm a six year old girl.
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Butts are funny.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was in the navy and every time he had Duty I tried to make a joke of it. "Lol dad has doodie tonight!"
I may have done that until I was 18 and he retired.
Hey there,
ReplyDeleteSaw your bad-ass intro on 20sb and came to check this blog out...I never do that. Blog verified kickass-ness, so well done. I also find butts quite of-the-funny.
I don't know why, but I've never had buttsex before. Apparently it gives love a bad name. Get it? Eh? Okay my bad.
I hope my candy hand job involves Skittles!
Butts and everything that comes out of them are funny. He should make a CD of butt sex songs. I'm sure he'd sell millions. I know my man would buy one. It's all he talks about.
ReplyDeleteThe Pilot sounds a bit like my boyfriend. He cannot resist the urge to say the words 'butt sex' at least 8 times a day. Luckily he's never called anyone while on one of his rants... let alone dialing '911'!
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious. Stopped by from 20SB and I will definitely be following you from now on.
HA. HAHHAHAH!
ReplyDeleteNice!