CREEK SHOW!

Ded Jeremy Presents: Creek Show. This film was submitted into my first festival and it may not have won any prizes, but it sure did win the crowds heart and became the Audience Favorite of the night. The making of this has a crazy back story that I'm in the process of writing, but in the mean time enjoy!

Vote Or She WILL Kill You.

I'm sending this blog post on behalf of Womb Mate who has alerted me to the fact that if I didn't share it and if y'all didn't vote, she would kill all of us. And after knowing her for all of her life, she will do it. She'll straight up murder y'all.

She entered my Nephew, the adorable devil, into some contest about who has the cutest dirty kid and you can possibly win some money for it and she promised me that if she won the money she'd, y'know, not throw some of it my way so I'll get to karate chop her in the uterus sometime in the future for not sharing. And that would be freakin' sweet.

And so far the winner of it is some stinky old kid doing nothing cute at all because they are old and not baby cute.

My Nephew? He's baby cute.

So go vote here.

OR WE WILL ALL DIE.

Just Because I'm Drunk Doesn't Mean I Still Don't Care.

So, it seems again I am writing another blog post about how "I'm still alive, just too cool to hang out with you blog people because I HAVE A LIFE!" and y'know what? Even I am getting sick of it.

I should really be posting here more because my life is pretty exciting right now. Like, did I mention that I won some money to make a Short Horror Film for a festival? OF COURSE I DIDN'T! Because I've been neglecting telling these stories.

Y'all should really add me to facebook because I always talk there about the cool shit going on.

Right now I'm on summer break from school and you know what I did? I went and hung out with a baby for almost a week. Well, I'm still hanging out with a baby. Womb Mate's baby who is now a year old and just a monster. But a loveable monster who shrieks and points and wobbles around on his fat legs like a belligerent drunk.

I also most likely got a job editing professionally. How did I manage to pull that off? BECAUSE I AM AWESOME. And I sent a lot of emails. A lot of emails.

I'm going to start posting more (I know, I know, I said this a lot already) and update what is going on in Film School and my life.

I promise.

And I may or may not be lying on that promise. WE SHALL SEE.

Most Important Meal Of The Day. And Time Travel

Presenting one of the projects two fellow students and myself handed in yesterday. It blew away the other projects and left our Department Head a quivering puddle of goo in the corner. I've got to say, I'm never doing a Time Travel story again WITHOUT identical twins. That shit is fucking hard.

Also, the two Film Students and I have created a film collective called DED JEREMY. It's where we will be posting group projects for school and outside of school.

We have a youtube account. You should probably suscribe too.

We also have Twitter and sometimes witty banter on it. You should probably follow it.

We also have a Facebook that you should probably like and help us take over the world.

Check them out and show the love! Or the hate. We'll take that too. After all, we're desperate Film Students.

I Tired Of These Mother Fucking Ants In This Mother Fucking Livingroom.

Nothing is better than coming home from school to hear "Hey, Sweetums, how good are your eyes?" and I'm like, "Dude, I wear glasses, are you making fun of me? How much times do I have to slap you in the face until you get it right?". But, y'know, I go into the living room anyways because whenever The Pilot wants to show me something it's always something sort of cool.

Like the time he found and captured an injured hawk. Yeah, we totally found an injured hawk and did a total "Let's rescue this awesome animal and resist the temptation of raising it as an attack pet." and sent it off to an Owl Rehab Center. He might have also been named Falco Peachtree the 3rd. Because, y'know, he was a classy as fuck bird.

So, I go into the living room and I'm like "I can't really see what the problem is here what are you trying....oh fuck, Ants! ARE THOSE ANTS? WHY ARE ANTS IN MY HOUSE? ARE THEY GOING TO EAT ME?" and then I ran out of the house. Because, y'know, MOTHER FUCKING ANTS!

The Pilot had to re-assure me that they weren't people eating Ants and that they probably were not going to leave our house carrying the television on their tiny backs or anything. So I came back into the house.

And then I tried to convince the dog to eat the ants crawling all over the floor boards but he just sort of sniffed them and looked at me with a "Are you kidding me? These are mother fucking ants up in our mother fucking house, I don't think so gurlfriend."And then he walked away with a huff.

Basically this left us with the only option of trying to find things that kill ants at stupid o'clock at night and wouldn't y'know? Midnight convenience stores aren't really packing Ant Killer or anything awesome. But they did have taquito's and hot dogs. That counted for something.

7-11, though, dear sweet 7-11 had Raid. They had it right next to the deodorant. And then when we bought it we got clapped at by the workers because "Hell, we've had this stuff for four years and you are the first people to actually buy it from 7-11.". Made me feel like some sort of a hero. An ant killing hero.

To make a long story short we sprayed the shit out of our house and managed not to kill the dog or get carried away by Ants in our sleep. Which is a bonus.

I'm Getting Too Old For This Shit

Desperate to find cool and hip things to do in this new town that I've been living in and having an idea in my head that it's awesome to start socializing and collecting favours from film people, I decided that I was going to agree to be a zombie in a Zombie Web-Series.

This choice happened to be the beginning of the end for me and a fellow student (who I will refer to as Dougie Howser because he looks like Dougie). We decided that being on time is super important in our industry so we decided to car pool and that he'd pick me up extra early at my house so we can find the obscure location the set was going to me. We started the day bright eyed and bushy tailed. We had no idea the horrors that waited us.

We first followed the directions that were sort of vague to begin with and this road took us past some expensive homes that soon turned into no homes and a random road we were pretty sure we were going to die on before we realized that we probably weren't where we were supposed to be. 

So we went the OTHER direction.

Which, you know, happened to take us to this isolated desert area on a sand/gravel road over looking all of the valley our town sits in. We decided maybe the smart thing to do was park and wait for the rest of the crew vehicles to show up so we can make sure we are at the right place.

We sat around for an hour.

We played CSI by stumbling across six condoms, their wrappers, a homeless burial ground that had cans filled with bees, holes in the ground that probably had snakes in them, knives in trees and a weird plant that looked like a penis.

Dougie, however, had a grand old time. He was throwing rocks down hills and then with a loud "I'M MAKING A TRAP!" he threw a rock larger than his head into the road. Remember this fact, dear readers, because it will be important in the next sentence.

Eventually we got word from the rest of the crew that we were supposed to find "A silver van and yellow car" we, TA DA!, happened to see those exact cars on a ridge above us. We thought we were fucktards who spent the last hour throwing rocks twenty feet from the actual set. What we ended up finding was a house that just happened to breed puppies and have the same type of vehicles.

So we turned around.

And we almost crashed into Dougie's trap that would have sent us careening off of the road and down a hill. The crafty bastard.

Then we get to set and get dressed up like zombies and spend two hours running around a ravine pretending to eat people. I think I had a vagina painted on my face.

Once we were told to go home we found out Dougie had gotten his vehicle stuck in a sandtrap. We had to wait another two hours in the grueling sun watching for someone to come save us. We waited an extra hour after that because our rescuer got lost. While waiting concerned people rushed at us wondering if we had gotten into a car accident because we were all bloodied and our car was stuck. When we responded "Zombies, sorry." they drove away fast.

After we got towed out of the sand we drove until we saw some rich house with their sprinklers on and got out in full zombie make-up to take a hobo shower in their sprinkler system.

And then we went and got slurpee's in full zombie make-up and made jokes about startling raccoons.

A Dose Of Reality

One of the biggest things I find that Film School wants to teach it's students is the "Reality" of the Film Industry and how "Soul crushingly lonely it will make you" so sometimes they come up with activities that help you come to the conclusion that Film will probably kill you.

Like, for example, today we did an activity that involved learning what it takes to be a Location P.A. One thing we had to learn was how to handle crowds and preventing them from entering the shooting area.

Naturally our Instructor was all "Let's experience what this is like so I'm going to make you three the P.A's so put these vests on and hold these walkie-talkies you can't use and you other three be people trying to get onto set." and then he let us fly at this role playing.

It was only a matter of time before it de-volved into people screaming about wanting David Duchovny's autograph and a person repeating Japanese auto-makers as a fake language and accidentally karate chopping himself in the nuts.

Basically, we showed our teacher we can't roleplay. Ever.

Or have walkie-talkies. He took them away once he listened in on the radio and heard us going "Fart fart, butt, penis, fart, butt."