Does This Mean I Qualify For Sponge Baths Now?

Tomorrow I happen to turn twenty-fucking-four and it's made me realize that I'm getting old and it wont be long now until I am thrown into an old folks home by uncaring children because I'm assuming at that point I'll be a horrible old lady no one wants to hang out with. But that nursing home? Yeah, totally the cheapest thing the uncaring children could find because they don't want their inheritance drained by such trivial things as "preventing bed sores" and "having paid staff be nice to the gross old people".

Oh, wait, I apologize. That's my plan for my parents.

Turning twenty-fucking-four as defiantly made me give a cold hard look at my life so far because it will be a year until I am twenty-five and what have I accomplished? An unfinished degree, starting a new degree, I haven't bought my own private island and I wasn't appointed the new Supreme Ruler of North Korea. All I can say is Kim Jong Il made promises he couldn't keep. The dick mouth.

Before I wasn't so concerned with my accomplishments because I could laugh it off due to the fact that I was young-ish and do you know what people expect of young people? Absolutely fucking nothing, and it's great!

Now it's just like "Oh she's getting so old and she hasn't even conquered a third world country yet. I bet her parents are so ashamed because I would be." and all I can really say is fuck you people who are disappointed on me not conquering a third world country yet, it's really hard OK? I didn't know there was laws about Human Rights and not enslaving people to make giant statues of dicks and cats. I didn't know.

The Pilot, however, seems to see a great positive in the fact that I'm getting older on my birthday and why I just can't turn twenty-awesome-three twice.

"But honey," he says, "the older you get the less I look like a creepy old man who's sleeping with you!" because we've got an age difference, you see, and he just turned thirty-fucking-old last September. It's good to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, though.

He also told me that a new mexican restaurant opened in town and right before I got super excited and was going to suggest going there for my birthday he so cruelly cut in and said, "I've got standards woman, I don't take no one to a Mexican food joint on their birthday. I'm more of a KFC man."

So, at least I've got that going for me.