Dinner & A Pooping Theatre

In previous posts I’ve talked about how embarrassing it is for me a friend to poop at work. Even more so when someone’s tit is hanging out in the air and being milked like a cow in a milking factory.

But now what about pooping at home (My friends home, of course)? Surely that can’t be embarrassing at all because it’s in the privacy of your own home and your home is your castle and you are the master of your domain and in your domain your poop is sacred and possibly second in command and everybody poops in their home and it’s Grand! Awesome! Fantastical!

Am I right? Well, I was right until last night when my friend decided to crap in my their house and decided that because no one was home and The Pilot their boyfriend was at work so there was no need for secrecy and upholding the myth (but in my case it’s very true – sort of like Unicorns and Rainbows) that girls don’t poo.  And they start pooping and suddenly BAM! WHAM! BANG! A furry white devil dog bursts into the bathroom while the poop is still being pooped and the devil dog decides that “Hey, wow, this person is taking a crap! How fucking awesome is this? It’s like...THE BEST THING EVER! You know what would make this cooler? Food, Yeah, that’s right. Food!”

And then the demon devil dog runs out of the bathroom only to return with a mouthful of dog food only to drop it on the floor so he can go back for more and he starts eating the dog food while you are still pooping, grinning the whole time and making sure to have great eye contact because everyone needs that level of supportive eye contact while crapping.

But you know what? Eating while someone is taking a crap isn’t enough, now is it? You know what would be better? If the devil demon dog decided that he was going to line up his stuffed toys because this is totally a poop  that they can’t miss and hey! While I’m at it might as well as get more food before I run out!”

And the poop is all plopping and the dog is all crunching and this whole scenario gets more awkward then the breast milking lady because at least she was blocked by the stall door and you can’t really stop looking at your dog eating his food while you take a crap because it’s a small bathroom and when you look away he takes that as a Que to try and crawl into your lap.

But of course, this happened to my friend.

Because I don’t poop.